I was talking with a friend the other day and she mentioned
being a different person to hopefully be more “liked” by a person or a
group. She was telling me how exhausting
it was and asked if I had ever felt like this.
I think as humans we all have the need to feel included, liked, a part
of a group, etc. The question is how far
we will go to feel that way? I think in
a group setting there are always compromises we’ll make like, “Sure I’ll have
Mexican food versus the Italian food I was craving.”, but will we compromise
what we truly like and who we truly are to fit in?
I am reminded of the Runaway Bride movie where the character does
not know how she likes her eggs cooked because she likes whatever kind of egg
the man she is dating likes. In dating I
have had men assume I like a certain kind of music, or how I want them to be to please me,
and then they come off as disingenuous. I have had to tell some of them, “Please just be yourself.” How am I supposed to see if we are truly compatible if I don't really know who they really are?
I still remember years ago working as a human resource
manager where we were having a fun off-site event planned. One of the employees came to my office and
said, “We’re going to have so much fun and we’re going to get you drunk.” I will have a drink or two, but I have
personally made the decision in my life to never get drunk. It is a choice. I don’t want to lose judgment, I don’t need
liquid courage, I don’t need to feel hung over, nor do I want to pass out. Most of all, I don’t need to drink to have a
good time. This is a personal decision
and I told my co-worker that I had made the decision never to get drunk in my
lifetime. I remember him walking away
and looking disappointed. At that moment
I thought to myself, “If he is a true friend then he will accept me for who I
am, and if he does not then he is not a true friend. “ He and his group of friends were still my
friends after I said that.
Let’s face it, we all want to be accepted for who we are,
and so why not be to others? Not being
authentic is exhausting, and by being true to ourselves we come off as
authentic and genuine which then comes off as confidence. Everyone likes a confident person, and in the
end we want to surround ourselves by people who like us for who we are and not
for who we pretend to be. So go forth
and be true to yourself! Authenticity is
one key to happiness!
