Change can be good.

It has been almost two months since I have moved, and six weeks that I have lived in Pasadena since I was in Alaska for two weeks.  Since I have moved I have realized that sometimes it's not until you make a change that you realize you needed a change.  That's what happened to me.  My new job has been great, everyone has been so warm and inviting, and I didn't realize I missed people greeting me in the morning and saying good bye until I landed at my new job.  It's something so small, but having a hello in the morning and a good bye in the evening makes my day seem right.

The move hasn't been all smooth but has been filled with ups and downs with having ants, roaches, and a rat in my apartment.  Yet, along the way I have met some wonderful and helpful people to get me through it all.  The roaches and rat have been eradicated, and I ended up having the best conversation with the pest exterminator.  I had had a hard week and we ended up chatting with us both finding out that we're Christians.  We both ended up encouraging each other, and I just felt so taken care of.  I also got locked out of my apartment and had a stranger help me to break back into my apartment.  Through it all I keep meeting the kindest and warmest people who have helped me feel like this is where I am supposed to be.

I miss being by my Pacific Ocean so much, and I tried the Rose Bowl Track that gets 4.5 stars on Yelp.  Sorry Rose Bowl Track you did nothing for me except to give me 3+ miles of exercise.  All that experience means to me is I tried something new, I didn't like it so I'll find something that works for me.

There are times where I feel rather alone and I know I need to push myself to get out there, meet new people, make new friends, etc.  I have looked at meet up groups, events, and other things.  I just happened to be warming up my lunch today when a co-worker that I just met asked me how I was doing in Pasadena.  We started to talk and she gave me the best advice, "Don't rush it, it'll come.  Things will fall into place where you'll feel like this is your home.  You don't want to feel like you need to get out there and treat it like it's your job, otherwise it takes the fun out of it all."  I reflected upon her words and told her those were just the words I needed to hear.  She is right, I will explore my new "hood" in my own time, in my own way, and at my own pace.  Change can be good, but it doesn't have to be rushed.

Fear of Change

They say change is a good thing, but each person goes through their own process when it comes to change.  Some people embrace it whole heartedly while others resist and take a long time to finally accept it.  At the moment I am being faced with a huge change in my life.  In three weeks I will be moving to a new city, start a new job, and live all on my own.

I have pretty much lived all of my life in Huntington Beach.  It wasn't until 2007 that I started to exercise regularly and the beach and I became fast friends.  I run, bike, and paddleboard at the beach and I can't imagine it any other way.  It's where I process my day, stare at the beauty that is the ocean, and I have good talks and prayers with God there.  It is my home and my sanctuary.  As I contemplate my move I realize why it is so hard for me to embrace.  I am leaving my human family, my spiritual family, my full-time job family, and my part-time job family.  I am leaving 4 families all at the same time.  People say to me that I'm only going to be an hour away, but I know that I won't keep in touch with everyone and that makes me very sad.

At the same time though I know that change in life is sometimes necessary for more human and spiritual growth.  I know it will push me out of my comfort zone and my daily routines.  One part of me is very scared and sad, and the other part is sort of excited.  It reminds me of jumping into a swimming pool when I was very young.  At first I would be scared, but once I was in the pool I was having the time of my life.  So once I get to my new apartment I'm going to start a bucket list of all of the places and things I want to explore.  I want this to be an adventure, and I know it's all about the attitude I bring to it.  Once I am there I want to embrace it, but I know it will still be a process.

So in the words of Gail Sheehy, "If we don't change, we don't grow.  If we don't grow, we aren't really living."

The jean pool.

I know I have not talked about fashion for awhile, but I am going to hit on something essential for all men - jeans!  You think you have the perfect comfortable jeans, until you find out that they just may not fit you in the right areas.  These days in my opinion, men typically wear jeans that are too tight (think skinny jeans for men) or jeans that are too baggy where body parts get lost in the fabric.  Recently one of my friends was talking about jean shopping and how he did not know if they were a good fit or not.  In some department stores or retail stores the sales person may say you look great either to 1) make the sale or 2) because the jeans you try on might be the best looking ones on you that they happen to sell.  So, I volunteered to help him find a great pair of jeans and I learned a lot in the process.  

Before: How jeans should 
not fit on your butt!  It's lost!

I'll try to break it down as best as I can and this is only from my point of view: 

1.  You want the jeans to fit nicely and accentuate your tush/butt/bum/behind.  My thought for men is that the jeans hug at least 65 - 75% of the curve of your behind and then fall nicely down from that point on. 

2.  Go to a department store to try on many brands so you can see what brand fits you best. 

3.  Whiskering and fading on jeans can be distracting, so you want to beware of where the fading and whiskering is placed on a jean. 

4.  You want to see how the jeans fit around the thigh, and you want the jean to fall straight versus having extra fabric puffing out on the outer sides of your thighs.  

5.  If you think you have found the perfect jean, cut, wash, brand, and you think you can just grab that same brand, cut, wash, and be fine then think again!  We found that each pair of jeans is different in width and length so you need to try each pair on.  There is huge variation from jean to jean!  

6.  You want to make sure that the pocket placement on the behind is in a good place to accentuate it.  

After: How jeans should fit!
The butt has been found!

7.  With skinnier jeans men are wearing their jeans shorter (ankle length), but I would suggest that if you aren't into the hipster look then the length of your jeans should hit right above the heel of your shoe.  

8.  If you are shopping alone and need a friendly piece of advice, I suggest FaceTime so your friend can see the jeans from a 360 degree point of view.  Just from experience from my friend sending me pictures, well it can be hard taking a picture of your own butt. The butt pics are contorted because you are turning your body in order to take the picture.  It is good to have a friend who has a good eye for fashion and can be honest (I would consider myself just that, and modest too).  These are the pair we finally settled on: Joe's Jeans - Classic straight leg and Dakota wash

9.  If you can wear jeans to work then I suggest a nice even dark wash for men, and a lighter wash for your more casual days.  
10.  It is quite a jean pool out there but with time, patience, and a good eye you can find the perfect pair of jeans for your body!  

A simple thanks!

We live in a world that is fast paced, on the move, and it would seem that we are trying to get from one place to another as fast as we can. Along the way there are times we may need something, or someone does something kind for us to help us along our way.

I enjoy helping others and it is something that typically makes me happy. I ask for nothing in return, but what I do expect are two words and those are, "Thank you!" In the past month I have helped a few people out, taken time out of my day to get them the information and advice they needed, and not one thank you. I don't know if it is the way of the younger generation, entitlement, or if they grew up where parents jumped to give them all that they needed. I do believe that many people expect people to help, but when they have received it they are not truly grateful or appreciative. Again, the help is just expected.

I work at a retailer as a part-time job and many of our customers complain that they have not received a thank you letter for the gift that sent for a wedding gift. When it's sent they want to make sure it was delivered on time because they have not received that all important thank you. That is where I sometimes have to explain that yes the package got there, and typically a bride or groom is given 6 months to send a thank you card out. Sometimes it is past 6 months and all I can do is say, "I hope you will be receiving a card very soon!"

A thank you can go a long way. It can make the person who helped you feel appreciated, and it can make them more apt to help you in the future. In our day and age of technology, if we have time to go to the restroom then we have time to text a thank you. If we have time to watch a show on television then we have time to e-mail a thank you. What's even more special especially in our fast paced world is a hand written thank you note. I have always called it a "simple thanks" because that's what it is: simple. Those two words can go a long way, so why not take the time to let people know you appreciate what they have done for you? They deserve a simple "thank you."

We are all made uniquely beautiful.

Our country focuses and has talks about self esteem, and yet has a high percentage of people who get plastic surgery or enhancements.  I find this ironic.  Around the globe, certain traits are deemed beautiful and people (both men and women) strive to have those traits from skin color, eye shape, noses, chins, cheekbones, and body frame.  In America, television, the media, and the sex industry tells our youth and adults what is beautiful.  So our youth and adults strive to have the body that we see on the screen.  What they fail to realize is that with magazines bodies and faces are altered by computer programs.  That flawless look is obtained by the skill of an artist with a deft hand.  On television an actor or actress may have great bone structure but still will go through an hour or more of make up time in order to look the way we see them.  Is this natural?  No of course not, and it is one of the reasons I can walk around the mall and see women wearing what I call "stage make up".  Everything is so caked on and flawless, and their eye lashes are about a half inch long which to me is distracting.  Whatever happened to make up just enhancing the natural beauty that is there?  Why is it deemed beautiful that women look like they are going on stage?  I know this is just my view, and I do know that there are still people out there that still like the "natural" look versus the "stage" look. 

 

Will we ever get away from superficiality and what we see on the outside?  No, not really but it's about time we accept the inherent beauty in each person.  I believe that differences are what makes a person beautiful and unique.  Why do we all have to look a certain way to be deemed beautiful?  I had a friend ask me if I would ever consider getting surgically enhanced.  My answer is no.  I like my body the way it is, and I also accept that this is how my Creator made me.  The media seems to be dictating what is "normal" and their "normal" is body altering.  Why are we buying into it?  Bleaching, waxing, enhancements, injections, breaking bones, surgery, etc.  God made us with purpose and the way He wanted us to look.  Why are we questioning/altering His marvelous work?  It reminds me of the verse in Romans 9:20, "But rather "O man, who are you who answer back to God? Shall the thing molded say to him who molded it, Why did you make me thus?"

I do not want to conform to what the media deems as beautiful, and while dating I want a man to accept me for who I am and what I look like.  I hate to think that women and men's perception of "beauty" is attributed to what the media is portraying.  That we expect people to "look" a certain way because that's what we see in magazines and on our televisions.  There are things that we can control like our level of fitness and trimness, and other things that we cannot control like our bone structure, and physical features.  I think if a person wants to get surgery then they should ask themselves why they are doing it.  If they truly think it would be life altering or make them truly feel better about themselves then fine, but if it is to conform to what the world deems as beautiful then that is another thing.  I think we will all still go through moments of insecurity about our physical appearance, but I do hope that we can take pride in the beauty that we were all born with and see that in others as well.  

2014 - focusing on gratefulness and thankfulness!

After talking to a few friends prior to the start of the new year I realized even more that we have a choice in life in regards to our outlook and happiness.  I have seen friends wish for things that don't happen and what results is bitterness, anger, sadness, and sometimes a "woe is me" attitude.  I think we all experience these emotions in life when things don't happen the way we want them to.  I've had moments where I'm down and I always tell myself that I'm allowed to feel that way for a few days, but after that I need to get with it.  No, it's not always easy and I'm blessed to have friends and family to help cheer me up and to pray for me.  I can say that having their support and prayers has meant the world to me over the years.  

I have read some of my friend's Facebook posts that center on the negative, and I've always thought, "Instead of focusing on the negative, why don't you name one thing you are grateful/thankful for?"  I thought it was a great idea myself so I started a thankful journal where I would write one thing that I was thankful for each day.  I can attest to the fact that it does make a difference to find something that makes you grateful each day.  So while driving to my friend's place on New Year's Eve I thought about my year and everything that I was thankful for.  I thought about my life, the amazing trips I've gone on, all that I experienced in 2013, my friends and family, God in my life, the food I've had the opportunity to eat, and all the simple and small things that make my life wonderful.  

What I realize is that each day is a choice.  A choice to center on what is positive in my life or a choice to center on what I don't have and want.  It is up to me to choose what to focus on.  This doesn't mean I won't have down times or sad times, but it does mean that I can still focus on the little things or big things that I should and can be grateful for.  So I ended 2013 feeling happy and thankful, and I started 2014 feeling the same way.  My hope is that I continue to count my blessings and make the choice to focus on the positive each day.  

Be true to yourself!

I was talking with a friend the other day and she mentioned being a different person to hopefully be more “liked” by a person or a group.  She was telling me how exhausting it was and asked if I had ever felt like this.  I think as humans we all have the need to feel included, liked, a part of a group, etc.  The question is how far we will go to feel that way?  I think in a group setting there are always compromises we’ll make like, “Sure I’ll have Mexican food versus the Italian food I was craving.”, but will we compromise what we truly like and who we truly are to fit in? 

I am reminded of the Runaway Bride movie where the character does not know how she likes her eggs cooked because she likes whatever kind of egg the man she is dating likes.  In dating I have had men assume I like a certain kind of music, or how I want them to be to please me, and then they come off as disingenuous.  I have had to tell some of them, “Please just be yourself.”  How am I supposed to see if we are truly compatible if I don't really know who they really are?  

I still remember years ago working as a human resource manager where we were having a fun off-site event planned.  One of the employees came to my office and said, “We’re going to have so much fun and we’re going to get you drunk.”  I will have a drink or two, but I have personally made the decision in my life to never get drunk.  It is a choice.  I don’t want to lose judgment, I don’t need liquid courage, I don’t need to feel hung over, nor do I want to pass out.  Most of all, I don’t need to drink to have a good time.  This is a personal decision and I told my co-worker that I had made the decision never to get drunk in my lifetime.  I remember him walking away and looking disappointed.  At that moment I thought to myself, “If he is a true friend then he will accept me for who I am, and if he does not then he is not a true friend. “  He and his group of friends were still my friends after I said that. 

Let’s face it, we all want to be accepted for who we are, and so why not be to others?  Not being authentic is exhausting, and by being true to ourselves we come off as authentic and genuine which then comes off as confidence.  Everyone likes a confident person, and in the end we want to surround ourselves by people who like us for who we are and not for who we pretend to be.  So go forth and be true to yourself!  Authenticity is one key to happiness!